Anything can happen: notes on my inadequate life and yours

Take two

My bear

No one is forcing you to like Mahler's music

From the Tao-Te Ching

Lecture to one suffering yet another identity crisis

On aristocracy

What bothers me

Advice to those about to acquire a Rembrandt

Tyranny for beginners

Don't take your soul to New England

Stopping by words on a snowy evening

On your conduct at the dinner party

My stump speech

On class distinctions

Shorter than Bacon's

New Year's at Luchow's

Yo, weather man

The men's room wall: a fantasy

Beautiful houses

Lines written nowhere near Tintern Abbey

Things one would like to see in movies

Odes for a rainy afternoon

The albatross that brought everyone good luck

Bring a wildebeest home to mother

The sheep academy of prizes

Dogstoevsky

On reputation

Love song

Hail the latest conqueror

Go where you are loved

Madness: a primer

Essays, I too dislike them

A prayer for the privileged

If in my sleep

Canticle for scumbags

Instructions to the housekeeper

"Neglect"

With narcissus in the aquarium

Kilroy was here

The puppet theatre of your irrational fears

Teach the free man how to praise

The day I turned into the Westin

Cliff's other notes

About god

Environmentalists

Hearing test

Everywhere a hit person

A great big laugh ends in a sigh

Lessons for grades 1 to 6

If you had given it a moment's thought

How to remove the horse from the vase

The bathroom for you

A question for Hannibal Lecter

The zealot who stood on his head

Ways of looking at a blackboard

Something's wrong

(More) shorter than Bacon's

The giant rat of Sumatra

In the madhouse in Beirut

Should your name appear

Things I can take, things I can't

Relax

Why you took it out on her

(more) Cliff's other notes

The inventor of time

Explanation to an unprincipled employer

To comfort a foe who lies in wait

Signs of accomplishment as depicted in the rear window of a Volvo

Gods should be careful

A valediction for all occasions

When you have trouble sleeping

Everyman's grocery shopping list

A brief history of idiocy

Should a vampire require a transfusion

How you talk

The intervention of facts

You think I'm kidding

Ashley Montana goes ashore in the Caicos

Aubade

Instructions to the pallbearers

My last case

On the other hand

The grateful living.